The first time I went I was such a dumb kid who still hung out with losers and wasnt taking it seriously.

Now after a year and a half since I started I am much more mature, I have become much more confident because of working and I just miss learning so much.

I really want to enrol into Otago University next year. I will also get a job that is for one or two days. When I was 18 getting a job wasnt an option as I had never worked before and wasnt sure I could handle both but now I am 20 I know I can do both.

Im actually very happy and excited at the prospect of going back to University and I dont think I should let my fear of not making friends take over my decision.

http://fashionfiendxo.blogspot.com/

And hate it.

I have no job as my dumb work fucked everything up, whats the use in transeferring if i get less hours and have to start at 6am??

Yes there are people here that dress way better but they all go to Uni so how the hell will i meet any of them.

The house we rent that we couldnt look at before moving to is up a massive friggin hill and the buses dont run till 7 am and end at 6.40pm…. EVERYWHERE!!

WTF so what does the Dunedin Council think, people without cars social life end at 6.40pm?!?!?!

And to top it all of we hate the house we live in, its too big and cold and our neighbourhood fucking sucks, who new our shit neighborhood in CHCH would be better. 

So now what for me and my Mama?

Together we have had immensly hard, stressful lives. We both have had so many people stab us in the back and hurt us and it has never ever stopped. 

And it is like we never get a damn break so we want out of Dunedin. This supposed fresh start has been a disaster and we dont know what to do.

We are thinking of moving to Aussie so that i can take a course Fashion (business) related so that instead of fucking around i can start working towards my goal to be a Fashion Journalist.

The downside, oh just money and the fact we are stuck in a one year fixed lease!!

Well thats my life update, and sorry about not posting, i have been without internet for nearly two weeks cause of my dumb internet provider.

Hope everyone is having a better time than me,

Alicia x

Im finally twenty and god what a long twenty years it has been.

Yay!!!

I have a fun night planned with my best friend and i really really dont want to go to work today. 

Im starting to worry about leaving.

I seem to always have to start over without knowing anyone.

I have been to four primary schools and each time i never knew 1 person who was going to the same one as me, when i started high school none of my friends went to the same one as me so i was alone again and the same happened when I went to University and when i started my job.

I know im getting better at meeting people each time but i just hope i meet the right sort of people and not dumb criminal dropkicks like before.

…

Overall im just stressing out bout everything, i turn 20 this week and cant celebrate it cause of the move and i have to work that day which will be shit.

I really hope the next twenty years arent filled with the bullshit i had in my first twenty such as…

- Family murders/ suicide

- My mentally ill grandma who always made life hard

- Suicidal family members/depressed family members

and other stressful stuff like my relationship with my Dad which always sucked.

I just want to be happy and start doing all the things i want to do with my career and life and become the person i want to be.

Finally I have a date to go by, too bad its very soon and 3 days after my birthday.

Im going to have a shit arse birthday but at least i can finally save when im down there and get my Louis soon as well as everything else i should of had if it wasn’t for the damn earthquake.

I HAVE to make a Vogue collage so that I will always be able to see my #1 goal in life in plain sight to inspire me everyday.

I think i will buy letters, print pictures and buy a canvas in Christchurch but set it up when i move to Dunedin.

…

I dont have any new updates about my move, still unsure of the dates exactly but I have decided that I definately will get my tattoo on my birthday with my friend.

Cant wait, my teen years have definately not been good to me and hoping this next chapter in my life isn’t fill with family murders, family members who are mentaly ill and all round shit storms that have always hung over my life.

I had a superb time and it is so great knowing I have seen my Tompop when he was at a good stage and I will hopefully be seeing him again before the end of the year with my sisters company.

It was my first time flying, which made me nervous as I had only been on a plane once before when I was 8 and even then I had my 10 yr old sister beside me.

Anyways I had two great flights and the time away showed me how mature I am and that when I leave for New York it wont be that hard.

I only have one picture I want to show as it is my favorite picture of me and my Tompop and I am so lucky to have a cute one of us as im not photogenic at all!!!

My decision to do so mosty came about becuase lately all i feel is stuck and i wanted to do something. I decided to try and ombre my hair as i had never dyed my hair any crazy or different way and im nearly not a teen anymore so i thought it was now or never.

Well after colour stripping/bleaching my hair for hours it turned into a dip dye effect instead. It looks good but i miss my extremely dark/long wannabe Kardashian hair.

So after a couple of days of trying it out in public iv decided to dye my hair back to black later on tonight. 

My life is just so exciting lol i cant wait to go and be settled in Dunedin so that I can save money and actualy relax. 

With a family history of addicts, alcaholics and such and with my love for alcahol I truly thought that would be what I would become addicted to but no at age 19 I and everyone around me has realised that I am a shopaholic.

And no im not saying this to sound cool or some shit im serious. 

I only have to pay my internet bill each month and thats it and yet this year I had my internet cut off cause i had a $1000 bill built up from months and a.t.m I have another $630 bill I cant pay for ages so it will probably get cut off again.

I cant help it but i just have to buy something if I like it, even when i know that i 100% cant afford it.

This is how much I owe a.t.m

$8000 in student loans (to a Uni barely went to and then quit)

+

$1000 overdraft

+

$500 credit card

=

$9500 in debt before 20 and i still haven’t even gotten the things I wanted e.g Louis Vuitton and Blackberry cause of the earthquake…..shit

After 19 years of living in Chch i am finally moving, and no not to NY (still have to wait 2 more years for that) but to Dunedin.

Pros:

♥ No more earthquakes

♥ M.A.C store!!

♥ Exciting new city

♥ Leaving all the people from my past (the criminals and druggies) behind me

♥ Leaving my gross neighbourhood

♥ Being able to get a bigger room!!

Cons:

♥ Leaving friends

♥ Moving from my beautiful home

♥ Leaving family

♥ May have to leave my job that i ♥ if i cant transfer

So in the end it will be for the best but the hardest part will be if i have to leave my job, as it was my first one and just so much fun. I mean what girl would hate organizing and putting lingerie away all day?

I will be outta here by the end of the year and hopefully gone before my 20th in July.

Cant wait!!!!!!!

.x

My house is a bit claustrophobic a.t.m with my sis always around and im getting super sick of ChCh.

Im hoping that watching new episodes of Kourtney and Kim take New York and Holly’s World will cheer me up.

My work week starts again tomorrow which sucks and i need to start getting stuff ready for Aussie, which is severly stressing me out. 

And to top it off my very on and off again boyfriend wrote on my facebook and has been hassling my mate for my number.

Have a feeling this week will be hectic, but i hope it goes well.

I found an amazing guy and I ruined it all because of my own insecurities.

He loved me and I pushed him away and I made him get all insecure and just fucked everything up.

He was smart, funny, hot, interesting and was so incredibly nice to me and I had to go and ruin it.

I dont even want to go out with anyone else this year, its useless.

Im leaving in a couple years to move to new york so why even bother, plus this constant string of guys and drama is getting old and keeps making me upset.

And to top it all off I saw him two days before the big quake the happened in NZ on Feb 22 and i texted him to check if he was ok and he didnt even text back (and yes he is okay and texting other people) so yeah he hates me.

I have nearly known him 3 weeks and I can’t believe that I met him.

I have a life plan for myself, including 3-4 marriages, and by no means did I ever even think I would meet my soul mate till I was at least in America….. And then I met “him”.

I don’t know what’s going on with me but I just can’t get him out of my head and vice a versa. When I talk to him it’s just different, when I kiss him its different and just everything about being around him is amazingly different.

He and I have even talked about the fact we are both amazed at how fast we are falling for each other and I am so worried.

There is something between us that I can’t explain. And I have always been the kind of person that knows the minute I meet a guy how far we will get (e.g. date, kiss or sleep together) and when I met him I thought “I’m going to marry him”.

God I know this sounds crazy, I mean it sounds crazy to me as well. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t fall in love in CHCH, I can’t marry a New Zealand guy, but I can’t see him not being in my life.

Why did this have to happen now, I wanted to meet a great guy to date, not potentially meet my soul mate.

Right now I have so many thoughts going through my head and so many emotions that sleeping has become increasingly difficult, except when I’m next to him.

I’m so confused.